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Although it was 20 some years ago, I still remember the sinking feeling as I sat on my countertop in my parent’s bathroom trying to gather up the courage to tell Mom what had happened at school that day. I couldn’t get my lips to move. I tried but my throat was dry, and my tongue seemed to stick to the roof of my mouth. The harder I tried and greater thought I gave it; the more impossible it seemed. How could I tell mom, how could I admit to her that I received a blue slip at school? I was so ashamed.
In hindsight, I can clearly see this was hardly the scandal my mind made it out to be. One blue slip didn’t mean much. They were given out for things as small as forgetting to bring a pen to class or talking to a neighbor at an inappropriate time. Moreover, it took at least 5 slips in a short period of time before any real punishment (like a short detention) would be administered. Yet my tender conscious was pricked, I needed to tell her - but I was far too ashamed to speak.
I don’t remember much of the actual conversation, outside of the reassuring words that one infraction didn’t make me a hardened criminal, and the feeling of pure relief when it was finished.
As I look back at this experience I can’t help but feel a little silly. Did I really think that this one small offense would change how my Mother felt for me? Would this truly change our relationship, my reputation, and bring my future crumbling down? Would my parents disown me? Of course not. I never questioned their love, but the feelings of guilt and shame paralyzed my soul.
Shame has a powerful effect on our lives. It causes us to think incorrectly, act out of character, and live in fear of what might happen. It often keeps us away from those whom we love and respect. This scenario is played out far too often in the lives of many Christ-followers. The unresolved guilt and shame of what they have done (or failed to do) begins well up in their soul.
The Accuser comes, whispering into their ear, lies which only strength the grip shame and guilt have on them. Much like me, many sit at the edge of life burdened by the guilt of actions, knowing - desiring - to have the sting of sin removed. Yet they remain silent; afraid of how their heavenly father might treat them. With sealed lips, guilt ladened souls, and walls of shame; many remain silent staying far away from God and His people.
King David experienced this guilt isolation. In Psalm 32:3 he wrote “When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.” Ironically, silence and avoidance of God only leads to greater soul struggle, for the only relief is found in confession to Jesus Christ. The author of Hebrews invites us to “approach God’s throne of grace with confidence.” Not in ourselves, but in Christ’s perfect life, sacrifice, and resurrection. Trusting in His Work for the forgiveness of all our sins. When we do, we are assured to “receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
Instead of rejection, judgement, and harsh greeting, our heavenly father is eagerly waiting at the end of the road for each “prodigal” to return. When we do, He eagerly meets us with a warm compassionate embrace receiving, forgiving, and restoring that which sin has taken away.
Don’t let the shame of your sins keep you away from the Joy of fellowship with Christ. Heed God’s invitation given in Isaiah 44:22 “I have swept away your sins like a cloud. I have scattered your offenses like the morning mist. Oh, return to me, for I have paid the price to set you free.”
And experience the Father’s sweet embrace of Grace.
Labels: Criminal, David, Detention, Devotions, Forgiveness, God, Guilt, Hebrews 6:14, Isaiah 44:22, Jesus, Luke 15:11-32, Mother, Prodigal Son, Psalm 32:1-11, Redeemed, School, Shame, Silent, Sin, Soul
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